Welcome to Melvin’s Skits
©Casualties of Divorce
# 1 (impact on children)
The heart of a child
Laid open and wild.
In the air with no wings,
Ears hearing crashing things.
Mom and dad shouting.
Little mouth pouting.
The air above is full of noise.
Words hit the ground like broken toys.
Tear drops roll from weeping eyes,
As clouds of tension fill the skies.
Dark, cold words with crushing hate,
Child-like innocence obliterate.
No pretenses or hidden thoughts,
Just broken hearts, each finding faults.
But that little one down near the floor
Hears so much more than a slamming door.
So much more than fiery tongues
With angry words in shadows hung.
There’s nightmares forming in his head,
And monsters creeping under the bed.
“What have I done to cause this pain?”
Such a heavy question for a child to feign.
A tiny face with angel hair,
And rosy cheeks flushed with despair.
Why would daddy leave
With a little hand tugging at his sleeve?
And tears are filling every eye,
As a still small voice is asking, “Why?”
#2 (dealing with grandparents and holiday celebrations)
Homer: Well, Sam, we’ve just got to face the facts. Since our Bill and your Mary decided to divorce and break up this family, we’ve got a dilemma, now, for Christmas. We’ve got to decide who gets Jimmy for the holiday.
Sam: It was much easier when
everybody came here to
Homer: I know, but we’ve got to face the facts. Things are different, now. I better get Clara on the extension. She needs to be in on this.
Sam: Yea. I guess I better put Ruth on, too.
Homer: (short pause with a click)You there Clara?
Clara: I’m here.
Ruth: (sharp edge in voice) Hello, Clara.
Clara: (Chill in her voice) Ruth.
Homer: Okay. Now we got the cordialities out of the way, let’s get down to business. We want Bill to bring Jimmy to our house for Christmas.
Ruth: But we were planning Christmas here this year. It’s our turn. We were at your place last year.
Sam: But it’s not “we” anymore.
Bill: (Phone rings) Hello.
Mary: Bill, it’s Mary. I haven’t got your check this month and the money here is running low. Jimmy starts school next week and he’s got to have new shoes and clothes, and school supplies. And he’s going to need a new coat before the weather turns cold. He’s outgrowing everything.
Bill: I know, but things have been tough. There have been some lay-offs at work and I was worried. I didn’t want to send the money until I was sure I wasn’t going to lose my job.
Mary: But you didn’t?
Mary: (deep breath) Good. Then I’ll come by and get the check, so you can save the stamp.
Bill: Ah, it’s all ready in the mail.
Mary: (pause) It’s not really in the mail, is it? You’ve spent the money haven’t you?
Bill: That’s absurd.
Mary: Then cancel the check you sent and write me another one and I’ll come get it.
Bill: Okay. (pause) Look. I’ve got needs, too. That judge was crazy. I can’t make it on what’s left over. You know how tight things were before, and now I have rent to pay on this apartment. My old car broke down last week.
Mary: I know, Bill. We’ve both got sad stories to tell, but nobody wants to publish them, so we might as well get on with our lives. Right now Jimmy is more important than our feelings or our problems and he needs new clothes and school supplies.
# 4 (work related issues)
Man: Hey, Maria.
Mary: It’s Mary.
Man: Sorry, Mary. I’m Jack from accounting. The word is You’re in the single column now, and I was wondering if you might like to go out to dinner sometime?
Mary: (indignant) The word is out I’m single.
Man: They say your divorce was final on Monday.
Mary: I don’t believe this. People in this office don’t have anything better to do than talk about my private life?
Man: Word travels fast in the workplace. So, how about dinner?
Mary: No…Thank you.
Man: Well, maybe later. See you.
Mary: (Wait a beat for man to leave) Can you believe that?
Woman: You may as well get ready, Mary. You’re attractive and, now, you’re available. Every single guy in this office will be hitting on you. Maybe even a few married ones.
Mary: But I’m not available, and I’m certainly not looking to get into another disastrous relationship. Besides, how could I possibly tell my son I’m dating? (beat) I can’t believe this is happening to me. I feel like I’m in the worst kind of soap opera. The kind you can’t turn off.
#5 (social and church tensions)
Mary: What are you doing here?
Bill: This is where I go to church.
Mary: This is where we went to church. We can’t both go here now that we’re divorced. So you need to find another church, because I’ve got my friends, Mac and Sally, here.
Bill: They’re my friends, too. Mac. Sally. How are you guys doing?
Mac and Sally: (nervously) Ah…Okay. How, ah…How, are you, Bill?
Bill: I’m okay, except Mary, here, wants me to go to another church.
Mary: …Or just to another service.
Bill: I like this service, so I can sit with my friends, Mac and Sally. Right?
Mac and Sally: (sputtering) Ah…We um…
Mary: Mac and Sally were my friends before I ever even met you.
Bill: That may be, but we’ve become very good friends over the year. Right?
Mac and Sally: Um…We ah…Ah…
Mary: This is not going to work out.
Bill: Oh yea. Just like our marriage? Why don’t you get that partisan judge to tell me I have to go to another service, or maybe a whole other church while he’s at it.
Mary: Oooh… Maybe I will. (footsteps of her leaving)
Bill: (shouts) Oh yea? Well just go ahead. (pause, then in normal voice) She can’t really make me go to another church, can she?
Mac and Sally: Well ah…She umm…We ah…