Welcome to Melvin’s Skits
3 characters sitting in cemetery.
Guy: Lying on bench or ground. Computer nerd kind of “out there” in thought.
2 women: in business suits. Go getter business types.
1st woman: I can’t believe she’s actually dead.
2nd woman: I can’t believe she’s actually stopped working.
Guy: (looking into the sky) To her death is just a paradigm shift. She just changed her way of thinking. I mean, do you really think she can rest in peace knowing that report is due tomorrow?
2nd woman: I believe she’s down there right now trying to work it out.
1st woman: What do you mean by down there?
2nd woman: I meant under the ground. Why? What did you think I meant?
Guy: No. No. You don’t want to go there.
1st woman: She was a great lady. She strove for perfection in everything.
2nd woman: For her there was only one thing; work.
1st woman: She didn’t have time for anything else. Her job was her life. And she did it to perfection. She was an expert in her field.
2nd woman: She knew more and more about less and less.
Guy: Didn’t Al Gore say that? (Women ignore him)
1st woman: She had everything a person could want. Position, beautiful house, and a Corvette.
2nd woman: And she didn’t have a husband or kids to hold her back.
1st woman: I want to be just like her.
Guy: You mean dead?
1st woman: I mean, I want to be like she was.
Guy: Oh, you mean about to die.
1st woman: (angry) oh, you know what I mean.
2nd woman: Yea. Striving to reach the top, so in the end, you’ll have no regrets.
Guy: You guys forget, she was only 39 years old. For most people that’s ½ life.
1st woman: But she made the best of the years she had.
2nd woman: And she died a wealthy woman.
Guy: (Sarcastic) Yea. She was buried in the most expensive coffin money can buy. (Sits up and points) and look at that statue on her grave. Why, it’s 5 feet tall before the Angel even starts. (Lays back down as they look disgustedly at him)
1st woman: You know, seeing her lying in the casket, she never looked so peaceful.
2nd woman: It’s like she finally reached her goal.
Guy: Do you have to be standing up to pass out? (They both slowly turn and look at him)
1st woman: What?
Guy: Can you pass out while you’re lying down?
1st woman: (Sarcastic) Yea. It’s called sleeping.
2nd woman: Excuse me for changing the subject back to reality, but she was a great lady. She had it all.
Guy: But was she happy?
1st woman: Was she happy? She had a Corvette.
Guy: Oh yea. I forgot.
1st woman: (Scoffing) was she happy? She had it all.
2nd woman: She sure did.
Guy: She had. She did. Past tense. ( Moment of silence)
1st woman: Listen, nobody knows how much time they’ve got. So you’ve got to make the best of every minute. You’ve got to work to reach you goals while there’s time.
2nd woman: That’s right. The one who dies with the most toys…
Guy: Is still as dead as the one who has nothing.
1st woman: (Stands up) you know, I never realized what a negative person you really are. (Storms off stage)
2nd woman: (Stands) She’s right, you know. You are kind of a downer. (Exits)
Guy: (Slowly sits up) You know, it would be kind of nice to have a Corvette. (Lights off)