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©Pronounce This Here Way


I’ve spent sixty years pronouncing words a certain way and now there are some who want to change those pronunciations.

            I always said charade. Now some are trying to change it to cha-rod. Well, it shouldn’t be spelled char-ade, then.

            They’ve been trying to change vase to vos and ant to ount since I was a kid. Now they’ve just about succeeded in making my pronunciation of both words wrong. If you don’t want it to be vase then change the spelling, because v-a-s-e is vase. Vos would be v-o-s. And a-u-n-t probably should be pronounced ount but I just don’t like changes or I should say chounges. Why don’t they just change lamp to lomp or cat to cot?

            I will accept the changing of poinsett-a to poinsettia because it’s spelled with i-a on the end of it. I will also accept the changing of Your-anus to Uranus because the spelling pronunciation can go either way and also the fact that everybody has to act like they’re 10 when they hear it pronounced Your-anus.

            Pee-con is slowly becoming pee-can, which is the way it is spelled, but my grandfather had a pee can under his bed so he wouldn’t have to walk to the outhouse in the middle of the night and I just can’t make myself eat a pie made with a pee can.

            Remember when bologna (pronounced bolona) used to be called baloney?

            Remember when ketchup used be catsup?

            I won’t even get into Cari’bbean and Caribbe’an or incle’ment and inclement.

The other night I heard somebody on TV say “O”possum  and I really don’t have a problem with that one, because I really hate silent letters. I believe if you can’t hear the letter it doesn’t need to be there. Let’s just start pronouncing all the silent letters, psychology- February- Knight-gnat-knob, then I’ll bet somebody will change them. Or they’ll just say it’s okay. We can have two acceptable pronunciations.

            No we con’t. We need to have only one way to say e-ach word. It’s e-ther or it’s

i-ther. It’s neether or it’s nither.

            Why is it you can put A R in front of Kansas and it becomes Arkansas? It looks like Kansas with an A R in front of it.

            Martini – Martoony

            Envelop – envelope

            Potato – pototo

            Tomato – tomoto

            Let’s just call the whole thing off.



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